French seduction tips from the director of a new film about helping American men get game.
Certain men—gays and hairstylists among them—have a particularly astute handle on what women want.
Certain men—gays and hairstylists among them—have a particularly astute handle on what women want.
Richard Temtchine, who is decidedly not the former but was, for 22 years, the latter, is one of these men—and he's translated this insight into his new film, How To Seduce Difficult Women, opening in New York City on Friday. The Paris-born Temtchine wrote, directed and produced the film, which follows Philippe, a philandering, married Frenchman living in New York, as he instructs hapless American men in the art of seduction. Temtchine came up with the idea after running into an acquaintance who struck him as a particularly difficult-to-woo woman, and realizing he had the tools to make her soften, if not melt.
"That's easy," Temtchine says. "Honesty, humor and confidence." American men, he says, let fear and "approach anxiety" stop them from going after the women they really want (aka the "difficult" women who won't fall for any old pick-up line). In the film, one of Philippe's proteges, a widower, overcomes his fear and wins big attracting a hot blond with a wild side.
As for long-lasting love, Temtchine's recipe for success comes again in threes: "no appropriation, no possession and no dependence." Unhappy marriages, prostitution and infidelity, he ventures, are the results of couples who've stopped working. The key, he says, is to be creative. Men need to continue seducing their wives, and women need to create situations for their husbands to feel like they are leaders. A French Model's Take On Love
Temtchine clarifies that the seduction he promotes is quite different from the "game playing" he sees taking place in the States. "People don't say what they mean," he says. Rather than trying to impress a woman with any sort of braggadocio, he says, letting her know she's beautiful and that you'd like to take her out will lead to much greater success.
4 Things Women Love To Hear On A First Date
First-date tips for men on what women want to hear on date number one.
First dates are a lot like job interviews. You can't score the soul mate or the paycheck without that first meet-and-greet. While some glide through this necessary evil with straight-A finesse, others bumble along a path of C-worthy mediocrity producing mixed results. Enter our first-date study guide for men. Whether or not you and that hot thing across from you will one day get married and pop out children, we can't say, but you can't go wrong following the four tactics below.
1. "I love that (insert clothing piece, hair style, tattoo, eye makeup)." When you first see us, compliment us. I know, I know—are we really that insecure? Are we really that vain? The answer is yes. But don't paw and drool like imprisoned frat boys. We wouldn't be on a date if we wanted someone grabbing our butt, surely there's a dive bar down the street to provide that service if so desired. Instead, appreciate the beading on our turquoise bracelet, compliment our navy blue eyeliner or trench coat. No, you won't sound gay. Trust us. In fact, you'll earn a few bonus points on the final exam if you appreciate our limited-edition Puma sneakers. Of course, don't go overboard (no need to sound like Michael Kors) and don't force it. Rather, just verbalize what you're thinking.
2. "And why do you say that?" This may come as a shock, but we're as smart, funny and quirky as we are beautiful. Find out for yourself by asking questions and genuinely listening to the answers. You may begin to feel a bit like a therapist—which means you're on the right path—and when you start to feel like the interviewer on a 60 Minutes reel, then you know you're golden, baby. While it may feel lopsided or a bit too Barbara Walters at first, if you're more ears then mouth on the first date, already you've distinguished yourself. You'd be horrified by the men who feel they need to yap, boast and brag their way through dinner.
3. "Wow you're good at.." Now give us an intelligence compliment. Something pertaining to our minds that isn't overly obvious. Something that will make us think. This might be tricky, but once you start looking for it, the answers will be so apparent you'll wonder why you haven't done this your entire dating life. We're insanely cerebral, us lady folk, and if you can get in our heads, your chances of getting in our pants skyrocket. Maybe you're impressed with our wit. Maybe Jeopardy's on and we're kicking your butt. Are we good storytellers? Whatever it is—let us know! Smart Men Make Better Sperm
4. "To tell you the truth..." Yes, please do! Starting a sentence this way makes us feel like your guard is down and you're letting us in on some secret aspect of yourself. And this is our cat nip. Now, per point #2, this isn't an invitation to go on and on about yourself, your high school lacrosse glory days or your foot fetish (best to save this for a later date). Any sort of long-winded braggado is definitely more kitty litter than nip. Know what we mean? Confused? Don't be. Just let us in a little.
What Women Want Is Not A Question; It's An App
Apple's iPhone has an updated application answering the age old question, "What do women want?"
The iPhone—as some AT&T carries would say—is the holy grail of telecommunication. In 2007, TIME magazine crowned it the "Invention of the Year," and, in case you missed it, the author had this to say:
It's a genuine handheld, walk-around computer, the first device that really deserves the name. One of the big trends of 2007 was the idea that computing doesn't belong just in cyberspace, it needs to happen here, in the real world, where actual stuff happens. The iPhone gets applications like Google Maps out onto the street, where we really need them.
Ah, applications. Even if we don't own an iPhone, we know all about these digital treasures. They're games, recipes, custom work-outs and, now, an answer to the age old question: what do women want?
"What Women Want" is an application that features "an automatic calucation of a woman's 'average menstrual cycle,'" tarot cards, an obesity checker, reminders for men to give their lovers a gift, "various functions of what women want directly" and more.
According to a recent iTunes app store search, this clever application was among the top 50 downloads (it's since been replaced by the likes of DashboardAquarium and TeaTimer... yawn.)
What a relief it must be for men to ditch Hollywood's idea that in order to truly understand a woman, you need to dress like one. (Ironically, Mel Gibson played the lead in the film What Women Want, and nowadays he brings forth nothing a woman wants.)
On the other hand, isn't it a little unsettling to see that a cell phone can be so attuned to our reproductive organs? And is chivalry really dead, as it's so frequently rumored to be, that boyfriends and husbands need electronic reminders to appreciate us every now and then?
What Rich Women Want?
Rich women don't want to be cougars; they want George Clooney.
Conventional stereotypes say that women commit to men who can provide for a family. Since financial independence diminishes the need for a provider, wealthy women pursue younger, handsomer men who don't need to worry about supporting children. Basically, rich women are sugar mamas, and rich older women are cougars.
Researchers in Scotland disagree, citing the so-called "George Clooney effect." According to a study conducted on 3,700 heterosexual individuals, financially independent women are actually attracted to handsome older men. The wealthier the woman, the less concerned she was about security and material stability, although she still preferred guys who were good-looking.
We understand. Super-rich or not, we'd pick George Clooney over the cabana boy any day. The only problem is that many older men still prefer younger women. Back to the study, though. Although she initially assumed that wealthy women's tastes mirrored that of a wealthy man's, lead researcher Dr. Fhionna Moore says that independence alters a woman's preferences over time.
"Greater financial independence gives women more confidence in partner choices, and attracts them to powerful, attractive older men," Moore toldLivescience. "Greater income makes women prefer even older men, and men prefer even younger women."
There's nothing too groundbreaking here, except for the idea that finances lend you the confidence to pursue someone who deserves you, at least by worldly standards.
At the same time, the article does not clearly outline how survey participants acquired their wealth. Would a woman who worked toward financial independence gravitate toward an older guy who had been born into privilege, and never had to work a day in his life? Or would she have more in common with someone who also had to pay his dues? Let's not forget, after all, that George Clooney got his start on Return of the Killer Tomatoes.
What Do Women Want?
What women want in relationships is really quite simple.
Besides the meaning of life and the ingredients of hot dogs, many a man has questioned "what exactly do women want?" We're not playing coy here, we know we're complex creatures. And, true, we operate on a different wavelength than men. The best example of our gender difference comes from an article we read last year about why men cheat. The most compelling testimony was from a transgender man who'd undergone hormone therapy during his transition. Thanks to testosterone, the man noticed less of an emotional attachment to sex and more of a physical urge to engage, regardless of consequences. Fascinating.
So, we're different. But, woman aren't exactly the great mystery that men often make us out to be. The proof? We polled the YourTango staff and compiled a list of 10 simple things women want. Note: you won't find diamond rings or other fancy things anywhere on this list. While many women really do want luxury goods from men, when you break it down they are just physical representations of some of the points on this list. We promise.
Respect. Show us through your actions that you respect our opinions, careers, interests, friends, bodies and minds. You don't have to agree with all that we say or do, but try to honor our opinions as valuable contributions. Follow the golden rule and treat us as you would like to be treated: Be honest, fair, kind, and considerate.
Sex. Yes, we love sex. But, remember that there are four bases to cover in the bedroom, not just one. Try stopping at each base instead of being so focused on the home run—believe us, we'll thank you for it! Likewise, remember small physical touches like massages. One can never, ever, have too many shoulder rubs. And scratching our heads is pretty great, too.
Romance. It's another night on the couch with take-out and TiVo? Just because we're staying in doesn't mean the evening can't be romantic. Light a few candles and see where the night leads. Treat us like your girlfriend, even after we become your wife. Date nights, making out in thecar, kissing like when we first started dating—all of the things that made us fall in love with you don't have to stop just because now there are bills to pay, a house to be cleaned, and kids that need to get bathed. Bring home flowers for no reason. We're not talking $100 bouquets of roses here. Even the $10 bouquets from the supermarket are enough to make us smile.
Time. We understand relationships can't be all wine and roses; simply making the time to be with us and treating us like your top priority says "love" more than all the fancy gifts and lovely letters ever could. This includes helping around the house. The realities of a 21st-century relationship are that both partners probably work. If you happen to get home before we do, why not take vacuum the living room or throw in a load of laundry? If you take the garbage out without being asked, chances are you'll be getting a big ole smooch when you come back.
Dinner. Of the homemade variety. You may not be good at cooking and you may not know how to boil water. But greeting us at the door after a long day with fish sticks (or whatever you can wrastle up) makes us swoon, because it shows that you've been thinking about us and our hectic day.
Communication. Women are vocal creatures. We know you love us, but it's nice to hear you say it, too. We can also be insecure. We wish we weren't, but the reality is that we often notice our wobbly thighs and forget about our gorgeous eyes. So let us know when you think we're hot. Tell us we're beautiful. It helps us feel good. Plus, when we feel sexy we're more likely to act sexy. Words of appreciation aren't half-bad either. Tell us you love the lasagna we made. Thank us for driving the kids to school. Notice that we cleaned the bathtub. It doesn't have to be over the top, just let us know that you see the effort we put in, and you're grateful. Which Love Language Do You Speak?
Consistency. This doesn't mean be boring and predictable. It means that we know you will (usually, no one is perfect!) give us the love and support we need. Knowing that you're coming at this with the same desires and energy as we are goes a long way to making us feel secure.
Engagement. Of the mental kind, not the "I'm getting married in the morning" kind. You don't have to like everything we like (we might be a little concerned if you do), but showing interest in our passions, be it career-related, a sport or a hobby, goes a long way. Listen when we talk to you. We're not speaking just so we can hear our own voice; we want to connect with you and this is one valuable way we do this. This also means paying attention to the little things. Whether it's the name of your best friend's husband or the fact that you hate Nicolas Cage movies, it's the little things you remember about us that's so endearing.
Humor and Humility. These two tend to go hand in hand. This doesn't mean that you have to crack jokes or entertain us, but just being able to laugh at yourself is enough. Guys who take themselves too seriously bring everyone down.
Challenge. Not the kind that makes a relationship constant work, but the good kind that surprises and motivates us to do, be or achieve what we desire. Studies show that partners who prod each other to meet goals—in other words, don't support lazy or bad habits—are ultimately happier than those who don't hold each other accountable.
